Our beloved Milwaukee Bucks are back in the playoffs (currently, as in at this exact moment of writing) for the third time in 4 years. It’s an interesting team: we’ve got a balanced mix of experienced journeymen, young standouts (including the reining Rookie of the Year), and a Giannis.
Our admittedly fair-weather fan base will be watching more Bucks basketball this week than perhaps the rest of the season combined. And that’s a good thing; I’m not one to judge. Any new viewership is good viewership.
Most people know, thanks to the booming voice over the loudspeaker, that Giannis Antetokounmpo is often referred to as “The Greek Freak”. I love NBA nicknames, but I hate this one: as unreal as Giannis is (and he is), it’s not very clever nor flattering. Plus, I feel bad for the supporting Bucks cast that hasn’t even been given an unflattering nickname by the press.
We here at The Squeaky Curd are equal-opportunity nicknamers, so we gave new ones to each player on this 2018 Bucks playoff roster:
Giannis Antetokounmpo
Featured image by Joe Powell for The Squeaky Curd. All other photos from the Bucks.
Current Nickname: The Greek Freak
New Nickname: The Big Feta
Yeah, he’s Greek, but now he’s in the land of cheese. “The Big Feta” sounds like “the big fella”, which he is, and is similar to “the big cheese”, which he also is.
Khris Middleton
Current: Kha$h Money (or Sleepy, if you’re Greg Monroe)
New: (unchanged)
I actually like Khris “Money” Middleton. He’s the Bucks leading 3-point shooter, and had essentially no drop-off in performance after missing 50+ games earlier this season due to injury. They just need to play the Mario coin sound every time he makes a 3.
Malcolm Brogdon
Current: The President
New: Mal Bro
Once I found out just how much he looks and sounds like President Obama, plus witnessed the type of leader he’s been all year as a rookie, I think “The President” ain’t bad. But we’re missing the obvious “Mal Bro”, which is already part of his name plus has the added benefit of mocking current President Trump’s “bad hombre” comments.
Eric Bledsoe
Current: The Bled Show
New: (unchanged)
When Bledsoe came to the Bucks earlier this season, it was after an unfortunate “misunderstood” Tweet. Bledsoe is a whirlwind on and off the court, whether he’s kicking over unsuspecting water jugs in Game 3 or forgetting who Terry Rozier is after Game 2. But no matter what, it’s exciting to watch The Bled Show.
Thon Maker
Current: n/a
New: Rain Maker
Cuz he makes it rain. Hey, when it works it works.
Matthew Dellavedova
Current: Delly
New: Teacup
“Teacup” may not sound intimidating on first listen, but Dellavedova doesn’t look as dangerous as he really is, either. Just like the song: he’s short, stout, and constantly shouting when on the court. You do not want to see him all steamed up. (Plus he’s Australian, and the British love tea.)
Sterling Brown
Current: Downtown
New: Shocker
This rookie got the Sterling “Downtown” Brown moniker from the Bucks Twitter during summer league last year, but his unfortunate run-in with the Milwaukee Police Department and the wrong side of a taser is probably what we’ll remember most from his freshman year. Shocking.
Tony Snell
Current: Snellycat (Chicago Bulls)
New: The Silent Assassin
The “Silent Assassin” nickname supposedly first came from Tony’s mother (which is awesome); it still fits, as it seems like Snell often slinks off the bench only to wind up randomly fouling somebody.
John Henson
Current: J-Hook
New: The Hand
Historically a great blocker for the Bucks, John “The Hand” Henson is also left-handed, which our stats team says is fairly rare in the NBA.
Jason Terry
Current: Jet (Brooklyn Nets)
New: Terr-Bear
He just looks so cuddly but also so ferocious while on the floor. Plus, it seems like a name you’d give to your cool old uncle, which is the role he fills nicely for the Bucks.
Brandon Jennings
Current: Young Money, The Swizzle Stick, The Swizzy, The Pterodactyl
New: Hashtag
It’s impossible to go to a Bucks game, especially during the playoffs, without hearing the chant “Bucks in six”. The hashtag #BucksIn6 is everywhere today, but it started years ago when Jennings threw it out as a promise to beat the top-rated Lebron-led Heat (instead we got swept). In honor of that achievement, #Jennings should be his own hashtag.
Shabazz Muhammad
Current: Bazz
New: Jazz
There aren’t many words with two z’s, let alone first names. Stick with the uniqueness, plus make people think of your smoothness in the process. Could get weird when we rarely play the Utah Jazz.
Xavier Munford
Current: X
New: Barça
Before coming to Wisconsin to play on the Herd, followed by a two-way contract with the Bucks, Xavier spent a stint in Spain playing for the basketball-affiliate of the famous FC Barcelona soccer club. ¡Qué chévere!
Marshall Plumlee
Current: The Athletic Plumlee
New: Marshman
Can you imagine an over-excited announcer yelling “SLAM DUNK BY THE MARSHMAN!”? Plus, it makes me hungry for smores.
D.J. Wilson
Current: Lanky Smoove
New: WILLLSONNNNN
Love the college nickname, Lanky Smoove, but D.J.’s gotta get himself an easily shoutable NBA name if he plans on being a superstar someday. The crowd can get behind the Tom Hanks scream.
Tyler Zeller
Current: n/a
New: The Tease
Easy T.Z.? More like The Tease, cuz his unassuming looks lull you before he blocks in your face.
Jabari Parker
Current: N/A
New: None
Jabari is one of those names, like Kobe or Shaq. It can stand on its own.
Coach Joe Prunty
Current: Unknown
New: Govnah’
Took over for Coach Kidd, and also was once the head coach of the Great Britain men’s national team.
Assistant Coach Greg Foster
Current: Unknown
New: Uncle Greg
Everybody loves Uncle Greg.
Assistant Coach Sean Sweeney
Current: Unknown
New: The Architect
Milwaukee Magazine had a great article on Sean “The Architect” Sweeney a few seasons ago after he pieced together an impressive playoff run. He’s back with the schemes this year.
Assistant Coach Stacey Augmon
Current: Plastic Man (from time as a player)
New: Master P
I like “Plastic Man”, but he’s a coach now, so he deserves a more authoritarian name. “Master P” will do just fine.
Trainer Scott Faust
Current: Unknown
New: Doc
Self-explanatory, plus kick-ass.
Make sure you catch our hometown Bucks playing in Game 5 of the first round playoffs tonight in Boston against the Boston Celtics at 6PM. Bonus points if you call them by one of our new nicknames.
2017 Retired Nicknames
Greg Monroe
Current: Moose
New: Death Row
Spencer Hawes
Current: N/A
New: Mountain Man
Michael Beasley
Current: B-Easy
New: Supercoolbeas
Mirza Teletovic
Current: MT3
New: No Fearza
Rashad Vaughn
Current: Mr. Showtime
New: Velvet
Gary Payton II
Current: The Thief
New: 2.0
Coach Jason Kidd
Current: J-Kidd, Mr. Triple-Double, The Point Guard Whisperer
New: Daddy Double D