Today is St. Valentine’s Day, patron saint of love, chocolate, and unmet expectations. While there are plenty of great options in Milwaukee for a romantic, expensive night out celebrating love, there are just as many date ideas that are realistic and terrible.
Inhale deeply on the Jones Island Water Reclamation Facility Tour
If your sweetie prefers the smell of Milorganite versus your cologne or perfume, take them on a tour of the Jones Island Water Reclamation Facility. You’ll walk hand-in-hand past glistening pools of everyone else’s digested Valentine’s Day dinners, while the orange florescent lights gleam in their eyes.
Pickup line to use at the end of the night: “I’ve brought my own natural fertilizer.” *wink*
Get your smashed window repaired at The Family Mechanic
If you’re living in Bay View, you’re statistically likely to be reading this while waiting for the police to come file a report on a broken car window (citation still pending). Don’t let some shattered glass cause a break-up, though! Brush the shards off the seat, pick up your honey, and head over to The Family Mechanic where those good folks will replace it at material-cost only.
Pickup line: “This visit to The Family Mechanic makes me want to start our own family.” *wink*
Save some cash by avoiding the “A”-health rated restaurants
Milwaukee’s Food Sanitation Grading System is barely a year old, but it’s already had the effect of helping thrifty Valentine’s Day dinner-goers find open reservations at the last second. Just look up your date’s 84th-favorite restaurant on the city’s website, check that the score is below 60 for a “C” grade, and have the whole place to the two of you! (assuming it hasn’t been closed by the inspectors)
Pickup line: “If how quickly these rats are multiplying is any indication of the effect of this place’s food, looks like we’re in for a long night.” *wink*
Pay your parking ticket in person
The last few weeks of winter have been pretty horrible, and if you’re one of the thousands of Milwaukeeans who got a parking ticket to show for the snow, take this opportunity to show your significant other the inside of the beautiful Municipal Court. It’s a great fit for couples who like doing everything together: waiting in lines, angrily paying fines, breaking down and crying.
Pickup line: “I want to grow old with you…waiting in this line to pay my ticket.” *wink*
Go on an AmFam-crawl
The City of Milwaukee (presented by American Family Insurance) has been seeing it’s institutions slowly renamed to represent AmFam, and Valentine’s Day is the perfect chance to go on an impromptu AmFam-crawl. It’s like a bar-crawl, but instead you visit all of your favorite landmarks: Miller Park (soon to be AmFam Field?), Summerfest (presented by AmFam), the American Family Insurance Amphitheater, and the dozen-some actual American Family storefronts in your neighborhood.
Pickup line: “You’re my whole life. And AmFam has a great deal on life insurance going right now.” *wink?*
With a loved one next to you, even the most obscure Milwaukee date ideas can be romantic.
